My thoughts

After 2 days of intermittent thoughts about horrific rape incident in Delhi, I am penning down these thoughts. With my limited knowledge, I am trying to analyze why such horrible crimes occur again and again. I don’t think there would be anybody who was not shocked about this incident and all of us had our own versions – why this happen again and again and what should we do about this?

In my views, violation of a woman’s dignity is at par with murder. There have been numerous incidents where after rape, victims have been murdered. But, even when she survives, it’s almost impossible to forget the incident and there are significant physical and psychological repercussions.

First of all, it requires tremendous courage to highlight the crime because still there is stigma attached to these incidents because of wrong notion of family honour attached with a wife/daughter/sister. Many times, most accused are relatives or somebody close to victims and families choose not to report these incidents. I would keep rape as most gruesome among all the crimes committed against women, but equally notorious are female foeticide and sexual abuse of children (both boys and girls).

What is wrong in our society? Why such crimes happen again and again? Is it only a strata of our population who commits this? Is it done only by psychotics? We all know, the answer is NO.  Crime against women is deeply entrenched in our patriarchal society and deep down, we also know that it cannot be curtailed only by law. We need to CHANGE. There have been hysterical calls for capital punishment for rape. Stringent punishment could be a deterrent, but it’s not going to cut down the incidents dramatically. A society can change only if that change is driven by its own people, from its common man. I don’t think just making a law can make a significant impact. Laws have been here for curbing female foeticide from amost 2 decades now, but we all know how malaise our conscience has become.

Both reasons and solutions for these inhuman crimes would come from within our daily life. It is responsibility of every family/every citizen/every school and our state and central governments to provide an ecosystem where such deviance is minimal. We have seen involvement of almost all sections of our society in crime against women. Be it rich/poor, educated/uneducated, young/old – these crimes cannot be categorized in any particular income group or age group because these are widespread in all corners of our society. So, the solution has to be multi-pronged and tailored for different sections.

I think poverty is a significant factor in increasing crime rate. Still almost 70% of our population stays in village and we all know that they lack basic amenities and most of village population is poor and deprived. They migrate to cities, become far from their families, become prone to crimes and women become easy target for them to vent out their aggression. It’s a shame that our respective governments are not able to provide basic health/education/food/sanitation/work to a major chunk of our population.  So, in my view, if we could remove our poverty, it would be a significant step towards lowering the crime rate.

Then comes the crime committed by rich/educated professional people. This is far more difficult to tackle because it requires an attitudinal change which can come only through our own thought patterns.  Molestation of women outside a pub in Guwahati was not done by poor, uneducated or sex starved men.  That incident showed the attitude of young boys – they could not see an independent young woman coming to pub  on her own.  Do women really need escort today also? For few young men, independent/free spirited women are challenge to their territory and they indulge in these crimes to show women their place. They have seen a systematic bias against women in their own family and in society in general as part of growing up and it gets internalized in their attitude and behavior. 

We need to provide a sound value system to our younger generation and it starts from family and school. There still is strong preference for male child even in rich and educated families, notion of son essential to keep ‘Vansh’ running is deeply entrenched in our conscience which gives rise to rampant female foeticide. Still there are families where female child is disadvantaged as compared to male child in all matters. One can still frequently hear that, ‘tum ladki ho, ladki ki tarah raho’. All these systemic prejudices against girl child affect young boys too. I strongly abhor the notion of family’s honor associated with girl child, it burdens girls and become reason for honour killings and pollutes minds of young men too. We need to overcome this bias against girl child from our conscience and provide a healthy/balanced environment while raising children of both sexes. A strong value system where young boys respect the dignity/rights/freedom of girls is essential for our society to move forward.

The onus is on US to CHANGE and contribute whatever we can to make India a better place for its other half.

Ada..

‘Ada’ was at the terrace of her home and she suddenly saw a star falling, she ran to see how a star look like, she found ‘Om’ written on the star. She respected all religions but still finding Om written on star was odd for her. After all, dreams are manifestation of our innermost thoughts and as far as she could remember, she had never thought about the Hindu religious symbol Om before. She was very happy to see the star because she has always been fascinated by them. Talking with stars was her favorite pastime. Suddenly noises started coming from the playground near her house. There were many stars fallen from the sky and children were singing and playing with them. Everyone seemed so happy.

At that precise moment, alarm bell rang, it was showing 7.30 am. She said to herself, “There is no time to think about the dream now”. She needs to hurry up, get ready for college, otherwise she will miss university-special today and Reena will again be angry with her.

Ada rarely had a dreamless night. But unlike many of us who forget dreams as soon as we get up, she used to analyze her dreams in her spare time which she had in abundance. She strongly believed that dreams are the revelations of our true feelings, our true desires and dreams can help us to choose our path. She was never too great in studies. She just wants to be a Graduate and that was enough for her to get a suitable match in her community. Her family was respected among Ashraf Muslim communities who are believed to be descendants of true Muslims of Arab, Iran, Afghan, Central Asia rather than the people who converted to Islam in India.

1 month later…

Like all mornings, she hurried to get ready and almost ran from her house to bus stop. The breakfast was still in the hands of Ammi jaan when she ran to catch University-special. Reena was already at bus stop. Reena was looking different today. She was wearing a new dress and had a new hair cut in which she was looking really smart.

Ada said ‘Hi’ to her and asked ‘what’s so special today’.

Reena replied mockingly albeit fake anger, ‘Its my birthday today and you again forgot’. Reena was accustomed till now of Ada forgetting her b’day. Ada could never remember anyone’s birthday and these days, when everyone can remember virtually everyone’s b’day by putting a reminder in their mobiles and emails. It was just unthinkable for Reena that why Ada can’t do this. Ada never used reminders. She wanted to remember all by herself and she was pretty bad in that.

“Errrrrrr..I was in damn hurry since morning, so it slipped from my mind”, Ada replied. Although they both knew what was the truth.

Reena invited her for the party. Reena invited very few people unlike Ada who tends to invite everyone she knows. There was Ada, Neha(another close friend of Reena), Sameer(Reena’s brother) and Om(Reena’s cousin brother). Ada knew everyone, except Om. He had come to do some training for his job and was staying at Reena’s place for some time, but this is the first time Ada was meeting him.
.
It was like an instant connection between the two of them. Everybody could see that, except Ada. They talked as if they knew each other for ages and Reena could feel that Ada has forgotten that it’s her b’day party and not Ada’s first date with her brother.

Om was very sober and mature person. The day, he met Ada, he knew he has found his soulmate and he also knew that Ada was not ready for this. She was a child at heart and she would not understand what he really felt for her. As if it had to happen, they became best friends. It became Ada’s regular routine to talk to him over phone or in person. She never realized that she is falling in love with Om.

One day, she was telling him about her fascination for stars, she told him about the dream in which she had found Om written on star. Om’s training was almost complete and he was leaving the town in few days. He didn’t want to leave without telling her the way he felt for her. At first, Ada could not believe it. She just said that she really thought that they were only friends. Om went back.

But soon Ada realized that she was incomplete without Om.

She was in the spacecraft and she could see moon from there. She went in there and saw the moon. It was beautiful. She suddenly wanted to be with Om. She wanted to have this beautiful experience with Om, but he was not with her. When she was coming down from the stairs, she met Om. She was so happy and excited to see the moon and Om both. She hugged him, kissed him and took him up to see the moon.

Obviously, it was a dream, a beautiful dream but when she woke up, she felt very bad because she was trying very hard to forget him. She knew, no matter what her heart says about Om, if she goes ahead with her feelings, she is bound to face opposition from her khandaan. She was not ready for this.

She was in a beautiful house in a hill station. It was a huge bungalow, surrounded with hills from all sides. She woke up early and was mesmerized with the breathtaking beauty all around. She wanted to call Om and tell him about the place, but she could not call him because her mom had woken up in dream and was waking her up in reality too.

She was in a jungle resort. She went in for a night safari. There was a big lake in that forest. Safari was taking people for boating in that lake. When she saw the sky, she was captivated by the beautiful sky, there were so many stars twinkling, sky seemed to be fully adorned with jewels called stars. She saw galaxy also, and it looked like that stars were spinning out from that galaxy. She was so, so happy and giggling like a child. Then, suddenly Om came there on her boat and he asked her to jump, they both jumped and found themselves close to moon.

Constant dreams about Om were making her crazy. She accepted in her heart that Om is the reason for her existence, but she was not yet ready to share this with anyone, not even Om. She loved her family too much and she knew that they will never ever agree to get her married to a Hindu boy.

It was Om’s birthday. For the first time in her life, she remembered someone’s b’day, but she could not muster enough courage to call him, though she was dying to wish him and hear his voice. When she was coming back from college, Reena also reminded her that its Om bhaiya’s b’day today as if she could forgot Om or the time spent with Om or Om’s birthday. But she didn’t say anything. She was feeling very heavy. After coming back to home. She retired to her room without having lunch. She didn’t realize when she dozed off...

She was going on with Om on his bike and they were wandering in the lanes around her house. She was terrified that someone could see them.Om gets irritated over this (which was so unlikely of Om) and says that ‘why are you still confused?’

She got up as if the dream was real and Om had really come here to ask her, “why is she still confused?” For sometime, she just sat, thinking nothing for a while and then as if in trance, she found herself calling madly for Om.

She overcame all her fears and felt free of the clutches of religion and society. It does not matter to her what her family, relatives or biradari will say. She was certain of one thing and that was her existence with Om.

She picked up her mobile and called Om.

Mumma, can you hear me?

Sarita was a carefree girl, being born & brought up in an upper middle class family, she was far away from the hard realties of life. All her wishes had always been taken care in her parent’s house, it was altogether a different story in this new house, where she has come after her marriage. Now, she is expected to behave/carry herself in certain ways, rather than expecting her new family to pamper her. Her husband is a nice guy, loves her, pampers her, but in a restrictive manner. One reason being, his family was very orthodox, another being he was too busy in his business.
She is a house maker now. She had made herself accept this new life. Her free spirit almost died after marriage, but she never complained about anything. She was pretty okay with her life. After a year of marriage, she had one baby girl and she got too busy with her house & her baby.
After a year, she conceived again. She was not ready for the 2nd child. She also knew that her conservative family now want a baby boy but how could she ensure this? There was no dearth of money in her house, but they need boy to continue the family name, run the family business.
She thought, what a pity, girls are still unwanted in most of the Indian families. If your first child is a boy, your second pregnancy will be almost tension free, because it does not matter whether the second child is a boy or a girl. But after a girl child, everyone in family/relatives will pray that second one turns out to be a boy.
Well, it’s a fact, cost of living has become so high that people can’t afford many kids these days, unlike people a decade back, who used to keep on increasing the family size, unless a boy is born. But modern techniques have solved this problem. Since, mothers have all the right for terminating their pregnancy, you can go for sex selective abortions. Well, its illegal but it’s a business opportunity for doctors who can make pretty handsome amount by doing this and there are no dearths of families/mothers wanting this (even now in 21st century). Sadly, Sarita’s family also held the same view. Though her first child was loved by all, but wish to have a baby boy, was too high. She tried resisting, but finally gave into family pressure to go for sex determination test. She had lost her senses, a small kid to take care of, the pregnancy & above all, the pressure & tension was taking toll on her mental health, but most girls have immense capability to absorb/take any nonsense and still, manage to fake that they are happy & everything is good. Well, the dreaded day came, everyday she had prayed that be it a boy, because she knew the fate of her baby if it turns out to be otherwise.
BUT, against everyone’s wish, it was a GIRL child. She was shattered. She didn’t want to be the killer of her own baby, but family pressure was very strong. Everything seemed to be beyond her control. She came back from hospital. Her family had booked date for the operation (abortion or shall we call it murder??). She could not eat that day. It was her baby & she didn’t have a say. Her whole world seemed upside down to her. She kept on crying & crying and didn’t realise, when she started sleeping and dreaming too. She saw her elder daughter playing with a kid who was exactly like her childhood cherished doll. Such a cute, adorable and doll like kid. They both were playing and calling her – ‘mumma, mumma..can u hear our voice? We love u mumma’ .. she woke up, it was such a beautiful dream, but when she woke up, she again got disheartened due to the circumstances.
She started thinking, (perhaps for the first time after her marriage), because till now, she has accepted the things as they were & have not given it a thought whether they were right or wrong. Perhaps it was time to wake up & realise what she has done to her own self. She was not just about to kill her baby, but to kill her own self. How will she get away with the guilt of killing her own baby? How will she be an ideal mother for her first kid, when something in her own self would die?
Perhaps it was time to say to kiddo that ‘I love you too’.. Sarita realised that no one is going to come for her help unless she takes a stand that she wants her baby at any cost. It is her baby & it is her responsibility to bring her safely on this earth. She had regained her lost self & assertiveness.
Finally, she was at peace with the memories of that beautiful face in her mind & heart.

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

Was watching 'Big Boss' today. In the end, Amitabh Bachchan quoted few lines from his dad's poem - 'Jo beet gai so baat gayi'..It was his dad's Harivansh Rai Bachchan's 102nd birth anniversary today.
Just after the show, i was tempted to read the entire poem becoz somehow it touched me..though i always knew about this poem, but i had never attempted to read the full text.

Here is the link for the poem:
Jo beet gayi so baat gayi...

Page from Bonnie's Diary

Hi..I have many names, a kind hearted girl calls me ‘Moti’ (because she finds it cool to give me a traditional name), kids with whom I play, call me ‘Brownie’ (because of my brown colour), my mother had named me ‘Bonnie’, and my other friends who understand my language calls me with the same name. I really do not have any problem if my friends who does not understand my language but understands my feelings and body language, calls me with different names. After all, it shows that i’m very popular and have many friends. I enjoy the reputation of a friendly and peaceful dog in the street where I live.

Let me tell you something about this girl who named me ‘Moti’. Actually, she is not a girl. She is married but is childlike at heart. She keeps on talking to me and simultaneously stroking me. Man, I really love the touch of her soft hands. Her husband is also very friendly. Actually, I befriended first with her husband. I can sense them coming from quite a distance, and since, I’m so much in love with both of them, that I can’t resist myself but run up to them and they can enter in their house, only after playing with me.. This is how I am, I can’t help it. Actually, they also enjoy it, but superficially they’ll say, ‘what moti, you don’t let us enter the house. You first want us to play with you. You are really mad.’. Oh God, they have huge problem with my tail. I guess it hurts them, when we play, because they keep on saying that your tail is like a rope.. How can I help it. I have got a good physique and when I’m in love or playful mood, I can’t control it, it keeps on moving left-right. I know, they show that its annoying but they secretly enjoy it..once they are done playing with me..i place myself on their doormat..i love that place..so much warm it is..i get very good and sound sleep there. Not to forget, so many sweet dreams too ;)
Then, this girl will give me a bowl of milk..nice warm milk, just right to drink..neither too hot, nor too cold..they also have constant complain that I don’t eat chapati..i don’t like chapatis..i only like milk..so these days, they are not experimenting with the food which they eat..they are just giving me the food which I like.so, nice :)

They also have a constant complain that I don’t bark..they say that they have not heard me anytime..but its not true..if any other friend of mine, tries to be friendly with them, I feel so jealous..i don’t let anyone else to come near them..These guys have seen my ferocious side, but still they don’t admit it.

Everytime when they go out, after locking the house, she’ll tell me that take care of house. But, most of the time, I feel so sleepy those times, that I could not respond properly and she thinks that I have not heard properly and keep muttering to herself that he is interested in sleeping only and is of no use. What to do yaar, my sleep is precious for me..but I want to tell her that I do keep guard of the house, when they are away.

So, this is all I wanted to say that I do love, I do care and I do understand my duties. I’ll always be your loyal friend and let our friendship be always be like this. Ahem!!

Mum..

I am the luckiest child in this world, this is what Mum used to tell me when I was 5 years old. I don’t actually know my date of birth but my birthday is celebrated on March 15, date on which I was left at the gate of St. Joseph orphanage. Mum took me in and from then on, St. Joseph was my home.

Mum was among one of the caretakers in St. Joseph. She was full of love, ever smiling lady but she very well knew how to handle kids, when to love them and when to be strict with them. Every child used to love her and call her ma’m but the first word which I uttered was “mum”. She was the world for me. When I used to have some fights with other kids, she used to come to rescue me. She used to take me out for walks. I was an adamant kid but she used to try to grant me my every wish. She came with me on the first day of my school. She held my hand when I wrote my first alphabet. She used to teach me my rhymes. She is the whole and sole person behind what I’m today.

I’m working as a nurse in a trust hospital. It’s a big hospital and I don’t really know how many people work here and how many patients come here daily, but life now is very different than what it had been in St. Joseph. I’m independent now and this is what mum always wanted me to achieve. I’m happy with my life but I miss mum and I miss her terribly. Sometimes, I just wonder how beautiful my life would have been if she is with me. When I see some girl with her mom, I feel jealous. I remember my childhood days when she used to be beside me and I could run up to her for any problem, howsoever stupid it be.

She left St. Joseph when I was 13, rather she was fired, not because she was not doing her duty properly but because being genuinely concerned for kids, she strained her relationship with the manager. It was a huge loss for me. I remember I didn’t eat for 2 days. It really hurt me when she left because she was not my caretaker, not my ma’m, she was my mother, my mum. I used to pray to God to send her back but she never came back. After few days, I also realized the fact that she is never going to come back and I have to carry on my studies properly. She always used to say that I need to study hard to be able to stand on my feet. So, I studied, did nurse training and with my efforts, got a decent job also.


It was the usual day at work. I was assisting Dr. Mishra who is a dialysis expert. He was putting an old woman on dialysis. She was very weak and pale but her eyes were showing kindness & love. I felt as if I have seen this woman before. I kept thinking for a minute or two about where I had seen this woman. Then, suddenly it occurred to me that this woman is none other than my ‘mum’. All these years, I had been praying to meet her and now when my prayers are answered, she is bedridden and hospitalized. I was doing my duty but there were so many questions in my mind. Will she recognize me? Who brought her here? Are there any relatives of her?

A teenaged girl and a middle-aged man had brought her to hospital. When I enquired them, I came to know that Asha(the girl’s name) stays with mum and call her ‘amma’.. I didn’t enquire further how is she related to her. Mum was going to stay in hospital for a week. Though I felt very bad to found mum in such bad state but a part of me was happy to found her after all these years.

I went on for rounds to see other patients, but my heart was with ‘mum’..I felt like going to her bed again and again. Finally, when my duty was over, I went to see her. She was talking to Asha that time. She looked at me and smiled. I was hoping that she would recognize me. But I knew that was too much to ask for. How could someone recognize a person whom they have met some 9-10 years ago. I asked her how is she feeling and then we started chatting casually. I asked her where she lived. I could no longer hold myself to not to tell her that I know her from so many years. After all, she was the only person in this world whom I had loved and loved so dearly.

I told her that my name is ‘Riya’ and to my disbelief she started telling that once she knew a girl also named ‘Riya’ in St. Joseph orphanage where she had worked for some good 15 years of her life. I just could not believe that she still remembers me and with tears in my eyes, I told her that I’m the same girl - ‘Riya’. I hugged her and felt so loved and protected in her arms. I had finally found what I had been searching ever since I had stepped out in the real world. I used to look up to every elderly woman, while going in buses, in shops, in markets, in churches, in temples with one hope and prayer that Please God, let me meet my mum once.

I stayed in the hospital that day and anyways, who was waiting for me at home? Asha also stayed. I asked about Asha, whether she is related to mum in any way. It turned out that she was also an orphan before she met mum and now mum is her world too. She was in 9th grade.

Mum’s condition was bad. Both her kidneys had stopped functioning. Dr. Mishra kept her on dialysis for two weeks and he told me that she could only survive after kidney transplant. Kidney transplant operation was something that I knew we could not afford. I thought even if I donate one of my kidneys, the operation and the postoperative care will take around 1.5 lakhs. Thankfully, last year, I had done the medical insurance for myself. But there was one problem in that also, she was not my mother. So, I could not claim for the expenditure of her operation. I discussed this issue with Dr. Mishra. It was he who suggested that mum can adopt me and then I can legally claim for her operation. I was so caught up with tensions that this option didn’t come in my mind. I was thinking of taking personal loan but personal loan interests were high and to meet them with my meager salary would have been tough.

Dr. Mishra is very respectable doctor of our hospital. He is an old charismatic fellow, very loving, sensitive, caring and an expert. It was again Dr. Mishra who sent me to one of his lawyer friend Mr. R.K. Gupta who helped us in preparing adoption papers. Somehow, I was very happy about the adoption idea, because then, mum would legally become my mother. I would really be her daughter..wow :)

With the help of Dr. Mishra and Mr. Gupta, we quickly finished the adoption process and then mum was operated and she became all right within a month with one of my kidney working properly for her. I started living with her and Asha.

It is like dream coming true for me. I have a family now. My life is suddenly filled with hopes and desires, not only for myself but for my mum and my sister also. I pray daily for the well being of my family and one more thing, I don’t feel jealous anymore, when I see a girl with her mother. :)

One More Time

Its been almost 5 years since Aditya has come to Florida, US..He wanted to be away from every little thing which used to make him remember Diya..he could not stay in Delhi..because wherever he went, the restaurants, the theatres, the markets, the places they used to visit, he used to miss Diya..
he wanted to forget her but she was the part of his own self..he could not forget her even for a day, an hour or a minute..his parents had left hope for the marriage of their only son..its been more than 2 years..2 years, 2 months to be precise, since he had gone back to his home, to meet ma & pa..but he called them daily..

He has to catch flight tomorrow for India..There is a new person in his home, in his family whom he does not know and who has managed to develop a strong faith in his ma & pa's heart..he has to meet that person..he just can't let someone live so easily with his aging parents..u can't trust ur own relatives these days..trusting a complete stranger was just unthinkable for him..a woman who was found by her papa on the sea beach..how can they let somebody to stay with them..Her name was Mrida..He didn't like the name also..what kind of name it is, he thought..This woman, Mrida..she had not told anything about her, about her background, which religion she belong to, from where she belongs to..it seems she lost her memories, her identity in the sea..she was found unconscious on beach by his pa..pa saved her life by immediately rushing her to hospital..pa had said over phone that there was something about her, the innocence of her face that had made him to take her to their home..he can't let a young vulnerable woman go somewhere when she does not even know her name..

Ma also seems to be equally fond of her..Ma & pa always wanted a daughter and she kind of filled the vaccum in their life which is created after he shifted to US..They have denied to come there..For Ma, mrida was a perfect companion, a friend and a daughter, she cooks well..she takes care of health of both ma and pa..she is good natured, sweet girl..the kind of girl, ma had always wanted as her daughter-in-law..But all these seemed very fake to Aditya..what if she is a liar and she is playing some game with his parents..he was not at all convinced..ma and pa are being too generous and generosity could cost u a lot these days, he thought..Ma had told him that she was very pale and shocked for many days..she didn't used to talk, but slowly, under ma & pa's care, she revived her strength..she herself named her 'Mrida'..Though pa didn't like that name at first..but when she persisted, he gave in..As far as ma was concerned, it does not matter for her what do u call her..she was a daughter for her now.

Aditya's flight landed at 1.00 AM..Though Pa had said that he'll come to receive him at airport but he has denied..He took a cab from airport & started for home..he was feeling good, seeing all the familiar roads leading to his home..he felt as if everyone, everyone means every other person whom he was meeting, be it cab driver, operator at prepaid taxi stand, is glad to have him back now..he reached home at 2.00 am.. he pressed the door bell...pa opened the door..he bent to touch his feet..pa stopped him in between and gave him a beary hug..it was kind of a hug, he received when he had topped the school in his board exams..he loved it at that time and he loved it this time as well..it was good to be home..Ma also hugged him & planted kisses all over his face..then she called Mrida who was in the kitchen, warming all curries, dal & rice for him..

When Mrida came in hall to meet Aditya, aditya just went blank..he could not even say 'hi' to her..Mrida said 'hi' to Aditya..Aditya replied weakly..he did not remember what all ma/pa/mrida was saying after that..he ate & went to sleep..he was tired after such a long journey..but how could he sleep now? he was lost in his own thoughts..It was like someone from his past is alive again..all these years, he had remembered Diya as someone who has gone too far, someone who is unreachable, someone who'll not come back again..he never tried to call her/reach her, even in the times, he missed her like hell..but he just could not get over the face, voice and those big expressive eyes of Mrida..all so closely resembling Diya..

He remembered the day, he first saw Diya, he was stumped by her beauty..she was among the freshers, rushing here and there for the registration..he felt spellbound just by looking at her..he kept on looking at her until his friends called him..being one of the voulnteer, he helped Diya in the registration process..It was the start of their friendship..He was is in his final year but in the span of one year, they became good friends..After classes, they used to spend almost all of their time together ..They used to go to movies, markets, theatres on weekends..Even after he finished his studies, they continued meeting and everytime he felt his love growing deeper..Diya was oblivious to his painful unsaid feelings..He loved spending time with her & everytime, he wanted it more & longer but he never said anything to Diya..because Diya had already told him that after her studies, she will marry Jay, son of his father's friend and her childhood friend..Jay's family was among the rich and influential people of Nainital, like Diya's family..

Diya was the most pampered girl, he has ever met and yet, she was not fuzzy, not pompous..her manners were natural, down to earth, innocent and childlike..This was the first time when she was staying away from her home, from her parents..She was the princess of Mr. Roy, Diya's father who was a very successful businessman..They had 2 hotels in Nanital..Diya was intelligent & smart, besides being extremely beautiful..She got admission in engineering in Delhi..her parents didn't want her to go to a different city for studies..but when she persisted, they gave in..but they told Diya that she has to marry Jay..Diya didn't have any problems marrying Jay..she has known him from childhood..

Time really has wings..4 years passed like 4 months for Aditya..all these years, he had company of Diya..he can talk to her, meet her..but it was time for her to go back now..her marriage has been finalized..Aditya always knew that sooner or later, this will come..but still he could not take it..he loved Diya so truely that he could not bear the pain and agony of the seperation and ended up telling everything to Diya, feelings which were there from last 4 years, he could not suppress it anymore..Diya was shocked after listening to Aditya..she didn't say anything and she left..later she called Aditya to tell him that they should not talk now..

There was a change in her behaviour since the day Aditya has told her abt his feelings..Aditya had stopped talking to her(she herself asked Aditya, not to call her)..she had started struggling with her own feelings..she had started missing him..he was everywhere..in her dreams..in her thoughts..the more she tried to not to think about him, the more she found herself thinking abt him..but she knew that its too late..and after few days, she got married to Jay..and after 2 months of her marriage, Aditya came to Florida..to make himself far from Diya and her memories..

But even today, Diya is the one and only one who rules his heart..and after seeing Mrida, he could feel his love/his feelings overwhelming him again..Mrida does not closely resemble Diya, its Diya, in his own house, living with his parents like their own daughter..

Their paths have crossed again, after so many years and in such a weird way..Diya does not remember anything..may be, becoz she has not met anyone from her past after her accident..he knew, she will be able to recall everything if he helped her, if he tells her about her college life, her parents, her home and ofcourse, her marriage..For a minute, Aditya was tempted to not tell her anything because if she remembers everything, she'll not stay at their place.she'll go bck to his family..Aditya does not want to lose her again..what if, she does not remember anything..she is still his Diya..he can't let her go again..but a part of his heart was saying that he has to help her..and finally that part succeeded..he decided to tell Mrida about her real name and real identity..Finally, he was able to sleep..

Next morning, he got up late. Ma and Mrida had gone to local market for shopping and buying groceries..he went in pa's room and told him about Mrida..it was late in the noon, when ma & mrida returned..they ate lunch together..everyone was little quiet except ma, who was extremely delighted becoz of his presence..mrida was not as carefree while talking as she was yesternite..she was stealing glances to look at aditya as if she was trying to recollect whether she has met him earlier, whether she knows him..then ma and pa went for their afternoon nap..she stayed in the hall, pretending she is reading a novel, though her mind was occupied in figuring out whether she knows him or not..Aditya came in hall and started talking to her casually..he knew, he need to tell her but he has still not figured out where to start with..he calmly told her that he knows her, that she was a junior to him in college, that her paternal home is in Nainital and that her name is 'Diya'..As expected, she remembered everything, and she started crying badly..pa had stopped ma to go in hall to check what's happening..aditya had to really make an effort to calm her..she was crying vigorously in his arms and muttering, my Adi, how is my Adi, where is my Adi..

Finally when she calmed down a little, aditya asked him, who is adi and how this accident happened? she told him that they had come for a vacation in Mumbai, she, jay and their 1.5 year old son, Adi..they decided to stay in Alibaug for two days..she was strolling with her kid near the beach..Adi loves to play in water but she was holding his hand tightly..but suddenly a huge wave separated her from her child and before she could realize what has happened..she saw, Adi going deeper in sea with waves..she ran & grabbed adi, but suddenly, one more huge wave came, she lost balance, she didn't know what to do..with all her force, she has thrown adi towards beach..and after that she does not know, what has happened..Aditya asked the obvious question, where was Jay when all this was happening..Last time, when she had seen him, he was on a call and was quite at a distance from them..It was his habit to keep walking while talking over phone..and before he could do anything, he had lost his wife..Diya was uncontrollable again..she again started crying..ma and pa had also come down to hall now..ma consoled her, pa asked Aditya to arrange tckts to go to Nainital..he asked Diya if she remembers any telephone nos. so that they can inform her family. Diya was unable to recollect any of the telephone numbers..

Aditya booked 3 tckts for Delhi(nearest airport to Nainital), for pa, diya and himself..From delhi, they took a cab..It was late in the night when they reached Nainital..Diya wanted to go to Jay's house first, she was very worried for Adi..but pa decided against her wishes and asked her to tell the way to her parents house..they pressed the door bell..Diya's mom opened the door..she was so shocked to see Diya, she could not say anything for smtime, she just hugged her tightly and started crying..those were tears of joy, mixed with the pain she has
suffered at the loss of her daughter..Mr. Roy also could not believe it for sometime, that his princess is standing in front of his eyes..He took all of them to drawing room..they started chating..pa started praising diya and diya told his parents, how ma and pa had cared for her..how they saved her life and kept her like their daughter..diya's parents were so thankful, they were struggling to find right words to express their gratitude for ma & pa..

Then Diya asked about Jay and Adi..Diya's mother's face expression suddenly changed, she was about to say something, but Mr. Roy intervened in between and said that everything is fine since she is back now, and they should rest now, as everyone is tired..but Diya wanted to talk to Jay and Adi..she wanted to ensure that everything is alright..she came to her room, checked out the number from telephone diary and called at Jay's home..An unfamiliar female voice responded at other end, she asked for Jay..Jay could not believe that he is talking to Diya..he asked her if she is ok..where were she till now etc etc..Diya asked about Adi..how is he doing?..Then, the silence and a squeal..Jay told her that they lost their son in that accident..Diya was almost mad with shock..she started shouting and crying..everyone rushed to her room and tried everything possible to calm her but she was uncontrollable..after sometime, Jay also came..he hugged her, she kept on crying and crying in his arms..

It took her a month to absorb all what has happened in last 2 years after that accident..she lost her son apart from her identity in those 2 years..pa had never told her that she was in coma for 6 months after he has found her..all she knew was that it took her 3 months to recover physically, though actually it was 9 months..her husband got remarried..he has a new family now and he is going to be a father again in few months..suddenly she was all alone..Aditya had come back to Mumbai after leaving Diya at her parents house, though his heart was there in Nainital..he was extremely worried for her..he knew, she needs him but he also knew that she needed time, more than anything else to come out of all the pains she has suffered in last few days..After 10 days, Aditya went back to US but he called her daily..Ma & Pa used to call quite often from Mumbai..

Four months have passed since Diya came back to Nainital..Aditya planned to come to India again for Diwali, and for Diya..Diwali, being the favorite festival for Diya..He told his parents about his decision..his parents have always supported him and this time also, they backed him..he just can't see diya suffer..though diya has accepted the reality of her life, still, she was not okay..she has forgotten to smile..he just can't let that happen..He went to Nainital, this time alone..He proposed her for marriage..He told that he still loves her as truly, as passionately, as he used to love her, 5 years ago..Diya was shocked again..she needed time to think..it was true that she also loved him once..but she has been through such turmoil that she has forgotten that she loved somebody from her whole heart, that she missed somebody like hell, that she prayed secretly to be with him in her next life..Diya's parents didn't say anything..they wanted her to decide this time..

It was the morning of Diwali..Diya woke up really early that day..she woke up Aditya also..and asked him to come for a walk with her..They walked around the lake and there, watching the sun rising from the lake, Diya told him that her answer is 'yes'.